It’s a beautiful morning. Chilly at the moment (7am) but the sun is out and there are blue skies. The kind of day it feels good to be alive.
When you’re grieving, these days can come as a surprise.
You’re getting yourself through each day. Getting yourself up. Feeding yourself. Working. Looking after those around you. But all the time, there’s a grey cloud hanging over you.
The person you lost is always on your mind. You want to talk to them. You want to laugh with them. But you can’t. Because they died. And every time you remember that, it’s like a punch to the guts. You can’t chat with them any more. You can’t laugh with them.
And then one morning, the sun is out and your heart lifts. You smile as you turn your face to the sun. You get excited about what you’ll be doing today.
And then it hits you again. The person you love isn’t here anymore.
And as well as the grief and sorrow, now you feel guilty. Guilty that you had, for a moment, felt happy. Guilty that, for a moment, you hadn’t thought of them.
The grief journey is full of ups and downs like this. Immense sadness and then moments of joy. You’re not a bad person for feeling happiness alongside your grief. It’s all part of the healing process.
Photo by Ivan Mikhaylov
30 March 2021